My 5 Regrets About College

Warning, this article talks about severe mental health and suicide. If you are not in the proper headspace, or if you are a child (under 13) I would suggest you read other articles and maybe watching something happy instead. Your mental health will thank me later.

So, this is a topic I never seen discussed. Everybody seems to view college as the best years of their lives. This was DEFINETLEY not the case for me. If anything, the first two years of college were arguably two of the worst years of my life. I was limited to a college I didn’t like; I was dealing with a major I wasn’t passionate about (actually, one that involved something I actively hated), and on top of that suck salad, I was beginning a long and perilous road that is my mental health. So, in no order of importance, here are my regrets about college.

• I wish I took a gap year (or semester)

So many people regard a gap year as a long road to being a lazy son of a bitch. However, my mental health was so bad, there was no way in hell I was going to perform well in school. I was dealing with bad depression, severe anxiety and panic attacks, and dealing with terrible mood swings (that ended up being a bipolar diagnosis years later). I wish I took the time to focus on my mental and physical health so I could not only live, but it would have ironically given me a better chance of doing well in college. Is there a chance I never go to school? Maybe, but there’s another chance that I wouldn’t have so many mental illnesses later down the line.

• I wish I had considered community college

Now, I realize that the graduation rate for community college is a LOT smaller than a four year college. However, it would have also allowed me to consider classes I was actually interested in at a much, MUCH cheaper price. Not to mention, in California (the state I live in), most students qualify for FREE admission and heavily discounted classes. It’s a lot easier to explain that you didn’t like a class that was 50 dollars in total than what was 1500 dollars, let me tell you.

• I wish I spent more time debating a major I liked (or at least, I could stand)

Now, many people want to go to college to get a good job. However, I cannot discuss enough that it’s important to find a balance between a something you like AND  something that can feed you down the line. For example, after finding out I didn’t like nursing, I IMMEDIATELY went into teaching, because after 00.01 seconds of thinking, I figured it was a major my parents would approve of (after learning they would NOT fund my original choice, film production). Now, is that fair? Debatable. But again, community college allows you to get a degree in something you are passionate about, while keeping the cost down. Trust me, your parents are going to be a LOT more understanding if you can’t figure out what you want to major in when costs are cheap, versus when they (or you!) are paying big bucks for a major you don’t even like.

• I wish I taken my health into consideration

When I turned 19, my mental health was the WORST it have ever been in my life. I was almost homebound, I never wanted to get out of bed, and I was wondering if I would ever get better. Now, I didn’t give a rat’s ass about my health, and I spend most of my time looking up if my medicine was working (when you have multiple health issues, a small dose of Zoloft is only going to do so much). When I went to college, to the surprise of no one, it had gotten SIGNIFICANTLY worse. I was throwing up from anxiety and stress, I almost never left my room, and it was better to shut myself emotionally because if I didn’t, I would have had to deal with the pain that I wasn’t happy with my life. Now, I’m not saying that running a half marathon and eating only lettuce is going to completely fix you. But if you are not caring for you health, be it eating at least reasonably healthy, doing light exercise (even a short walk helps), and staying away from dark and depressing shit on the internet (I did NONE of these things), you aren’t giving your mind and body a fighting chance.

• I wish I was more honest

Now a chronic lie I always hear is that autistic people are always honest. As someone who was constantly lying to my family about how I was doing (and to myself) in high school as well as the beginning of college, I can officially confirm that that theory is a load of horse shit. I was constantly telling my family and friends that I was only doing a little down, a little anxious, and a little moody. I was telling them it was a 3, when in reality it was a 9 or 10. I should have considered intensive outpatient therapy, which I ended up doing anyway when I was 21 and (TRIGGER WARNING) I was hearing voices telling me to kill myself. However, that was nothing compared to how much I lied to myself. I was constantly telling myself that I was overreacting, I was telling myself that I liked my major (when in reality I was scared of children and doing education was the WORST IDEA EVER), and that everybody dealt with my issues (when in reality I had VERY BAD mental and physical health issues). If you are struggling with any of these issues, or god forbid all three, find a comfy spot, drink your favorite beverage (THAT ISN’T BOOZE) and find some paper. Write down the lies, then take a good hard look at them. Trust me, I wish I would have done this. That lists the 5 things I regret in college. As you might have guessed, I did all of these and now some, if not all, sometimes keep me up at night. DON’T BE LIKE ME.